My Dearest Catherine,
I miss you, my darling, as I always do, but today isespecially hard because the ocean has been singing to me, and the song is thatof our life together. I can almost feel you beside me as I write this letter,and I can smell the scent of wildflowers that always reminds me of you. But atthis moment, these things give me no pleasure. Your visits have been comingless often, and I feel sometimes as if the greatest part of who I am is slowlyslipping away.
I am trying, though. At night when I am alone, Icall for you, and whenever my ache seems to be the greatest, you still seem tofind a way to return to me. Last night, in my dreams, I saw you on the piernear
I stop when I reach you and take you in my arms. Ilong for this moment more than any other. It is what I live for, and when youreturn my embrace, I give myself over to this moment, at peace once again.
I raise my hand and gently touch your cheek and youtilt your head and close your eyes. My hands are hard and your skin is soft,and I wonder for a moment if you'll pull back, but of course you don't. Younever have, and it is at times like this that I know what my purpose is inlife.
I am here to love you, to hold you in my arms, toprotect you. I am here to learn from you and to receive your love in return. Iam here because there is no other place to be.
But then, as always, the mist starts to form as westand close to one another. It is a distant fog that rises from the horizon,and I find that I grow fearful as it approaches. It slowly creeps in,enveloping the world around us, fencing us in as if to prevent escape. Like arolling cloud, it blankets everything, closing, until there is nothing left butthe two of us.
I feel my throat begin to close and my eyes well upwith tears because I know it is time for you to go. The look you give me atthat moment haunts me. I feel your sadness and my own loneliness, and the achein my heart that had been silent for only a short time grows stronger as yourelease me. And then you spread your arms and step back into the fog because itis your place and not mine. I long to go with you, but your only response is toshake your head because we both know that is impossible.
And I watch with breaking heart as you slowly fadeaway. I find myself straining to remember everything about this moment,everything about you. But soon, always too soon, your image vanishes and thefog rolls back to its faraway place and I am alone on the pier and I do notcare what others think as I bow my head and cry and cry and cry.
