“I’ve been loved, I’ve been left.
“我曾經(jīng)愛過，我已經(jīng)離開了，
I’ve been wronged by the best.
我被我最愛的人冤枉了，
I’ve had hopes that were shattered in two.
我曾經(jīng)想把那一切分成兩半，
I’ve heard promises spoken,
我聽到了曾經(jīng)許下的曾諾，
I’ve had dreams left so broken,
我曾幻想離開就可以傷害他人，
There was no chance they’d ever come true.”
但是再也沒有實現(xiàn)的機(jī)會了。
~Country singer Terri Clark
- 鄉(xiāng)村歌手 特里.克拉克
Have you ever felt like there must be a hidden conspiracy against you? Somehow people know just how to make you feel hurt, angry, insulted, let down, disappointed, abandoned, betrayed. They break up with you, fire you, leave you, or humiliate you. The bottom line: you’ve been wronged!
你是否曾經(jīng)感覺到周圍存在著對你不利的陰謀呢？有一些人知道如何使你受傷，生氣，受辱，失信，失望，放棄，背叛。他們和你斷絕關(guān)系，開除你，離開你，或者羞辱你。而歸根結(jié)底是：你被冤枉了！
Or have you?
還是真的是你？
Granted, people do not always behave in exemplary ways. But if you feel you’ve been wronged, the situation deserves a closer look. Certainly, you can confront the transgressor, contemplate revenge, or hold a grudge forever. However, if your life is motivated by the quest for lasting happiness and peace, feeling wronged offers you the perfect opportunity to illuminate a mental habit or emotional windstorm that isn’t serving you.
但是，人們是不會以典型的方式來表現(xiàn)的。但是如果你感覺自己被冤枉了，這種情況應(yīng)該要好好的觀察一下。當(dāng)然，你可能被認(rèn)為是罪人，一心想著雪恥，或者是抱恨終生。無論如何，如果你的生活史出于追求長久的幸福和寧靜，那么被人冤枉為你提供了一個完美的機(jī)會來照射出你的心理習(xí)性或者是情感風(fēng)暴，但是這不是為你服務(wù)。
Let’s face it, feeling wronged feels terrible. Most of the time, anyway. It’s like a red hot fire that burns in our minds and hearts about what absolutely should not have happened. It is rigid, harsh, and often all-consuming. And maybe a little delicious? Isn’t there a part of us that loves being right? There’s something eerily satisfying about cutting down the perpetrator which inflates the belief that our own world view is beyond reproach.
讓我們來面對他，被人冤枉感覺很不好受。反正大部分時間都是這樣。它就像一團(tuán)熾熱的火球在你的心里燃燒并想著不該發(fā)生的事情卻發(fā)生了。它剛性，粗糙，并且經(jīng)常想要吞噬一切?；蛟S有時候是可口的？對于我們的一部分人來說，愛不是正確的嗎？有一件事是怪異的，當(dāng)我們殺死那些讓我們信仰膨脹的犯罪者，我們會感到很滿足，因為我們自己的世界觀是無可非議的。
Holding on to a story of having been wronged by someone keeps us stuck in a dark and lonely hole – and digging ourselves out takes thoughtfulness and self-reflection. Let’s dismantle what it means to feel wronged so you can reclaim the natural state of peace, ease, and freedom.
用一個故事來說明一下當(dāng)我們被某人冤枉時，我們一直被陷在黑暗和孤獨的洞里，我們要考思慮和反省把自己拉出來。讓我們先排除被冤枉的意思，這樣你就能回到自然的平靜，祥和，和自由的狀態(tài)。
The story:
故事：
“I believe someone did something to me that they shouldn’t have done.”
“我相信有人對我做了不該做的事情。”
The truth:
事實：
Resisting reality is a recipe for suffering, and one form of resistance is to believe that something that actually occurred shouldn’t have. As long as you continue to hold onto this belief, you will continue to feel the fire of being wronged.
對抗現(xiàn)實是治療痛苦的一個處方，而其中的一種對抗形式是相信某些事情事實上并沒有發(fā)生。只要你一直堅持這個信仰，你就會繼續(xù)燃燒被冤枉的怒火。
The truth is that challenging circumstances arise in life, and sometimes they involve how other people behave toward you. You may have strong feelings about the situation, you may wish it hadn’t happened, you may contemplate seeking revenge; but, the reality is what happened happened.
事實就是，我們生命中面臨挑戰(zhàn)的機(jī)會越來越多，有時候他還包括別人對你表現(xiàn)出來的各種行為?；蛟S你對這種情形的感覺很強(qiáng)烈，或許你會祈禱不要發(fā)生，或許你會尋找機(jī)會報仇，但是，事實就是發(fā)生過的事情就是已經(jīng)發(fā)生的。
Inquire deeply into this thought: it shouldn’t have happened. How can you know? What is your evidence? How does feeding it affect you? Does it take you to happiness or suffering? You will discover that you are putting a lot of energy into believing a thought that isn’t actually true and doesn’t support your well being. Now you have a choice.
深刻研究這個想法：它肯定沒有發(fā)生過。你怎么知道呢？你的看法是什么呢？那種感覺對你的影響是什么？它給你帶來的是快樂還是痛苦？你會發(fā)現(xiàn)你花費很多的時間去相信一個原本不是事實的想法，卻沒有支持你真正的想法?，F(xiàn)在你有一個選擇。
Consider using your precious attention to focus on supportive thoughts and penetrating questions rather than conclusions that keep you bitter and closed. Allow yourself to melt into openness and possibility.
細(xì)想把你最寶貴的注意力投放到你支持的想法中，并逐漸滲透問題，而不是讓你感到痛苦和自閉的結(jié)論中。讓自己融入到開放性和可能性中。
The conclusion:
結(jié)論：
“I am right; the other person is wrong.”
“我是正確的，其他人都是錯誤的”。
The truth:
事實是：
Taking a position and adhering to it vehemently is never going to lead to happiness. If you unquestionably believe that you are right, you are not open to seeing things clearly.
選取一個姿態(tài)，并相信他永遠(yuǎn)不會帶來幸福。如果你無可非議的相信你是對的，那么你就沒有辦法把事情看的很清楚。
Our human minds love categorizing. It’s one of the ways we make sense of the world. The problem with categories like right or wrong is that they constrain and oversimplify – reality rarely fits into such a neat package. So if you are not right and the other person is not wrong, what are the other options?
人類的大腦是喜歡分類的。這是我們看清整個世界的一種方法。分類帶來的問題是，例如正確或者錯誤都是它的約束和過于簡單化。事實上并不適合這樣一個簡潔的打包。所以，當(dāng)你不是正確的，而其他的人不是錯誤的，那么其他的選擇是什么呢？
Try compassion and understanding. Can you have compassion for yourself for the emotions you are experiencing? Rather than thinking you are right, can you accept that you feel sad or afraid? Can you see why the other person may have behaved the way they did? Is it possible that, at some level, they were acting from fear? Can you accept that the world isn’t perfect and that we aren’t always expressing our most virtuous selves?
嘗試著去同情和了解。你是否對你自己有過同情的情感呢？與其說認(rèn)為你是對的，你能接受你感覺到傷心和害怕嗎？你能看清楚其他的人所表現(xiàn)出來的行為嗎？可能的話，在某些程度上，他們是出于恐懼嗎？你能接受世界不是完美的，而我們沒有辦法經(jīng)常表現(xiàn)真實的自我嗎？
Standing in the position of being right is going to keep you feeling wronged forever. Step to the side, open your mind and heart, and see things deeply as they are.
站在正確的位置會讓你感覺一輩子受人冤枉。單獨走到一邊，打開你的心胸，你就能看到事情更深的一個層面。
The identity:
身份：
“I am a victim.”
“我是一名受害者”。
The truth:
事實：
If you believe that someone wronged you, you have identified yourself as a victim, and you are allowing your happiness to be held hostage by someone else’s behavior. You are passive and disempowered.
如果你相信有人冤枉了你，那么你已經(jīng)承認(rèn)你是一名受害者，那么你已經(jīng)允許把你的快樂抵押在某些人的行為中。那么你就變得被動并且毫無重要性。
How to get out of this hole? Take responsibility for your own healing. Find your inner courageous explorer who is larger and wiser than your vengeful victim. Look inside yourself with tenderness and honesty to see what was triggered in you.
如何讓你從這個坑出來呢？對你自己的健康負(fù)責(zé)。把你內(nèi)心深處的探險因子找出來，它比你的復(fù)仇心理強(qiáng)大和聰明?？纯词鞘裁从|發(fā)了你內(nèi)心的溫柔和誠實。
Befriend your feelings and the inner child who is feeling them. Ask yourself what the deepest, most hurt part of you really needs and offer it wholeheartedly. Let yourself grieve in your own loving embrace.
善待你的情感和內(nèi)心的感受。問一下你自己，是什么才能把你傷得最深，和你自己真正需要的服務(wù)和幫助是什么？讓你自己用愛包圍你自己。
Focus on yourself in a positive and caring way and not on continuing the hurtful drama. No longer a victim, you can get on with the business of enjoying your life.
讓自己專注于一個積極和富有同情心的道路，而不是讓自己繼續(xù)活在被傷的戲劇中。不再是受害者，你可以繼續(xù)做你生命中你喜歡做的事情。
The feelings:
感覺：
“I feel sorry for myself.”
“我對自己感到抱歉”。
The truth:
事實：
Shift your perspective from self-pity to self-learning. This situation that you reacted to so strongly happened, so use it well. Reflect deeply to see what initially drew you to this person and why you were so affected.
把你的觀點從自憐轉(zhuǎn)移到自我學(xué)習(xí)。在這種情況下，你會對發(fā)生過的事情作出強(qiáng)烈的反應(yīng)，所以要好好的用它。深刻的反應(yīng)會讓你看清當(dāng)初是誰把你牽引進(jìn)來的并且為什么你會如此受影響。
Consider if there might be a grain of truth in what was said or expressed. Is your reaction a way to avoid admitting something important to yourself? What can this situation teach you about opening your heart – to yourself, others, and the tenderness of being human?
考慮一下別人說的一些東西或者表達(dá)的一些東西是有道理的。你的反應(yīng)是不是一種拒絕讓自己承認(rèn)某些對你來說很重要的事情呢？這些情況可以教你敞開心扉去感受你自己，他人，或者是那些溫柔的人嗎？
Put aside the whole story of being wronged and victimized, then have an honest, heartfelt conversation with yourself asking what you really want your life to be about.
把那些被冤枉和成為受害者的故事放一邊，然后和自己有一個誠實的，真誠的對話，問一下你自己在生命中你最想要的是什么？
What to do when you’ve been wronged? Like a carnival ride, find your way through the twists and turns to return to yourself, to peace, to the wonder of this precious existence.
當(dāng)你被冤枉的時候你會怎么做？就像一次奇幻的旅程，通過迂回曲折的道路回歸你自己，回歸到寧靜，回歸到奇跡存在的地方。
I’d love to hear about your experiences with feeling wronged. Any insights you’d like to share?
我想聽一聽當(dāng)你們被冤枉時的感覺。你想要和我們分享怎樣的洞察力呢？
