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當(dāng)至親的生命進(jìn)入了倒計時，你會選擇什么樣的方式道別？

有一對母子，選擇了用書籍互相慰藉，給了彼此一個最美好的道別。

Will Schwalbe （威爾史沃比）是世界知名出版公司的高級副總裁和主編，也曾經(jīng)是紐約時報的成功記者，曾出版過眾多享有盛譽的圖書。他2012年出版的 The End of Your Life Book Club 記錄了他和母親瑪麗安之間真摯感人的生命盡頭之旅。

在一次人道主義救援任務(wù)后，從中東歸來的瑪麗安感染了一種非常罕見的肝炎。身體日漸虛弱。幾經(jīng)問診后，確認(rèn)這種肝炎是由重癥胰腺癌引發(fā)的，并且癌癥已經(jīng)轉(zhuǎn)移。

瑪麗安的人生算是相當(dāng)圓滿。她有一個深愛她的，相伴半個世紀(jì)的丈夫，三個事業(yè)有成，家庭美滿的兒女。她是一個受人尊敬的教育家和人道主義者，退休前曾在哈佛大學(xué)擔(dān)任招生部主任多年，并參與籌建、運營多個非政府組織。即使是退休后，她依然活躍在任何需要她的地方，包括中東最不太平的伊拉克和阿富汗。

癌癥確診時，威爾正在法蘭克福參加圖書展。在電話里得到消息的威爾驚惶失措，仿佛一時間又變成了無助的孩子。雖然兄妹三人早已成年，有自己的事業(yè)和家庭，但是母親仍然是整個家庭親情的紐帶與核心。

威爾失魂落魄的回到紐約，不知如何面對母親時日無多的事實，也不知道如何傾訴自己心里內(nèi)心的彷徨與痛苦——死亡尚未橫亙在母子間，但死亡這個禁忌話題卻已經(jīng)讓彼此無法開口——你怎樣告訴你的母親你愛她，一句你從來無法說出的話，就因為你怕以后沒有機(jī)會開口？

但是，一向淡然安穩(wěn)的母親似乎并不怎么為自己的病情擔(dān)心，她只問了兒子一句她在幾十年間問過無數(shù)次的話：“你在讀什么書？”(What are you reading?) 母子間的對話，從不以“你最近看了什么電影”或者“你最近做了什么”開頭，而永遠(yuǎn)是“你在讀什么書？”

因為，對于這個慈愛的母親和偉大的慈善家來說，閱讀是觸摸靈魂的最好的方式。閱讀使人沉靜。閱讀使人思考。閱讀，對于走向生命盡頭的她來說，是最好的告別人世的方式，也是她能留給兒子的最寶貴的財富。

Reading isn’t the opposite of doing;

it’s the opposite of dying.

在閱讀中，我們汲取，我們反思，我們尋找對抗恐懼的勇氣。閱讀把我們從現(xiàn)實的苦痛中抽離，又在抽象中給了我們觸摸傷痛的語言。

通過書籍，威爾與母親發(fā)明了一種默契的語言。母子組成了一個只有兩個成員的讀書俱樂部。他們共同閱讀，交流探討。當(dāng)未來與死亡聯(lián)系在一起，任何對未來的探討都顯得殘酷。然而，在書籍的情境中，堅強的母親用愛與智慧給了兒子最后的人生滋養(yǎng)。

在確診至母親去世的兩年間，威爾每次陪伴母親對抗癌癥的化療療程就成了母子二人讀書俱樂部的聚會時間。閱讀給了他們從容道別的機(jī)會。

瑪麗安走的平靜安詳。她知道，她已經(jīng)沒有什么好擔(dān)心的了。在彌留之際，當(dāng)兒子問她此生是否還有遺憾時，母親說，她沒能擁有一座蘇格蘭城堡。這時的母親，又回到了當(dāng)年那個幻想通話的翩然少女。

本書的中文譯本由中國友誼出版社出版，譯名為《生命最后的讀書會》本文截取片段的中文翻譯即來自于該譯本（經(jīng)寶姐姐適當(dāng)刪改）。

今天我們選取的片段，是威爾自述在法蘭克福得知母親確診癌癥時的感受。我們努力成長，就為面對生活中不期而至的恐懼時可以稍微坦然。但是，那個曾經(jīng)為我們遮風(fēng)擋雨的母親終有一日將無法陪伴在我們身邊，這是任何人也無法平靜接收的事實。

一向成熟淡定的威爾迷失了。在異鄉(xiāng)的狂歡人群中，他決定用酒精和電視屏幕閃爍的畫面麻痹自己。一時間他忘記了母親教給他的最樸實的人生道理——每當(dāng)你恐懼不安時，你應(yīng)該拿起一本書。閱讀會給你需要的勇氣。

While I was at the Frankfurt Book Fair a week later, just before heading off to co-host a table full of publishing pals for dinner, my mother called to tell me that she almost certainly had cancer. The hepatitis wasn’t viral; it was related to a tumor in her bile duct.

一周后，我在法蘭克福圖書展上。在我將要參加一場滿是出版界人士的晚宴時，母親打電話給我。她告訴我，醫(yī)生幾乎已經(jīng)確診她得的是癌癥。肝炎的癥狀不是病毒性引發(fā)的，而是她的膽管長了腫瘤。

It would be good news if the cancer was only there, but it was far more likely that it had started in the pancreas and spread to the bile duct, which would not be good news at all.There were also spots on her liver. But I was not to worry, she said, and I was certainly not to cut my trip short and come home.

如果只有那里有癌細(xì)胞還算是個好消息，但是癌細(xì)胞很可能已經(jīng)從胰腺擴(kuò)散至膽管了。如果是這樣可就有點不妙了。她的肝臟上也有些癌細(xì)胞?！皠e擔(dān)心，沒事的?！蹦赣H說，“你不用提早回國來看我?！?/span>

I can’t remember much of what I said, or what she replied. But she soon changed the subject—she wanted to talk to me about my job. I’d recently told her that I’d become weary of my work, for all the same boring reasons privileged people get sick of their white-collar jobs: too many meetings, too much email, and too much paperwork.

我不記得自己說了些什么，母親又回答了些什么。但她很快轉(zhuǎn)移了話題，開始討論我的工作。不久前我對她說我開始對自己的工作感覺疲憊，跟所有那些抱怨自己工作的白領(lǐng)一樣，太多的會議要開、太多的電子郵件和文件要處理。

Mom told me to quit. “Just give two weeks’ notice, walk out the door, and figure out later what to do. If you’re lucky enough to be able to quit, then you should. Most people aren’tthat fortunate.” This wasn’t a new perspective that came from the cancer—it was vintage Mom.

母親讓我辭職：“提前兩周通知公司就可以了。走出大門，然后再決定以后做些什么。如果你足夠幸運、有資格辭職，就要把握住機(jī)會。大多數(shù)人沒有那么幸運。”這并非由于得癌癥而生的新想法，而是母親一貫的觀點。

As much as she was devoted to intricate planning in daily life, she understood the importance of occasionally following an impulse when it came to big decisions. (But she also recognized that not everyone was dealt the same cards. It’s much easier to follow your bliss when you have enough money to pay the rent.)

雖然她熱衷于對日常生活精確到分鐘的安排，但也理解偶爾服從沖動的重要性，只要那個沖動能夠?qū)蛞粋€正確的決定。（但是她也深知不是人人處境相同。當(dāng)你有錢了，對快樂的追求就變得容易多了。）

After we hung up, I didn’t know if I would be able to make it through the dinner. The restaurant was about a mile from my hotel. I walked to clear my head, but my head didn’t clear.

掛了電話之后，我不知道自己是否還能出席晚宴。餐廳距離我的酒店大約一英里，我想走路過去，試圖讓自己冷靜下來，可是我卻做不到。

I confided the news about Mom’s cancer to my co-host, a good friend, but to no one else. I had a feeling of dizziness, almost giddiness. Who was this person drinking beers and eating schnitzel and laughing?

與我一起主持晚宴的是我的一位好朋友。我只告訴了他一個人關(guān)于母親得了癌癥的事情。我感到頭昏，幾乎要暈過去。面前這個喝著啤酒、吃著炸肉排、不時大笑的人是誰？

I didn’t allow myself to think about Mom—what she was feeling; whether she was scared, sad, angry. I remember her telling me on that call that she was a fighter and that she was going to fight the cancer. And I remember telling her I knew that. I don’t think I told her I loved her then. I think I thought it would sound too dramatic—as though I were saying goodbye.

我命令自己不要多想母親的事，不要想她是否感到害怕、悲傷或憤怒。我記得她剛才在電話里跟我說她是個戰(zhàn)士，她會與癌癥抗?fàn)幍降住Ｎ矣浀梦艺f我知道她會的。我想我應(yīng)該沒在電話里說我愛她，這句話聽起來有點太煽情了，好像要永別了一樣。

When I got back to my hotel after dinner, I looked around the room and then out the window. The river Main was barely visible under the city streetlights; it was a rainy night, so the roadway glistened in such a way that the lines between the river, the sidewalk, and the street were obscured.

晚宴結(jié)束后我回到酒店，環(huán)顧著房間，然后望向窗外。美因河幾乎消失在城市的繁燈下。下著雨的夜晚，濕潤的道路閃閃發(fā)亮，模糊了河流、人行道和車道的線條。

The hotel housekeeping staff had folded my big, fluffy white duvet into a neat rectangle. Beside my bed was a stack of books and some hotel magazines. But this was one of the nights when the printed word failed me.

酒店員工把我那蓬松潔白的羽絨被疊得整整齊齊的，床邊是一疊書和酒店的雜志。但這個夜晚，我看不進(jìn)去任何文字。

I was too drunk, too confused, too disoriented—by the hour of night, and also by the knowledge that my family’s life was changing now, forever—to read. So I did the hotel room thing. I turned on the TV and channel-surfed: from the glossy hotel channel to the bill channel (had my minibar item from the night before really cost that much?) to Eurosport and various German channels, before settling on CNN and the familiar faces and voices of Christiane Amanpour and Larry King.

我醉得厲害，迷茫充斥了我的內(nèi)心，我失去了方向感。那一刻，我心知我的生活將會永遠(yuǎn)地改變，而且永遠(yuǎn)也無法復(fù)原。我看不進(jìn)去書，于是就做了些在酒店里該做的事情。我打開電視，不停地調(diào)換頻道：從浮夸的酒店頻道換到賬單頻道，再換到歐洲體育頻道和各種德文頻道，最后停在CNN的克里斯汀·阿曼普以及拉里·金熟悉的面孔上。

When Mom and I later talked about that night, she was surprised at one part of my story: that I had watched TV instead of reading. Through out her life, whenever Mom was sad or confused or disoriented, she could never concentrate on television, she said, but always sought refuge in a book. Books focused her mind, calmed her, took her outside of herself; television jangled her nerves.

后來我和母親談及那個晚上的時候，最讓她不可思議的部分是我竟然看了電視，而不是書。母親這一輩子，只要感到悲傷、困惑和不知所措，她就沒辦法專心看電視，但總能在書中找到庇護(hù)之地。書能讓她集中精力，使她平靜，帶領(lǐng)她走出來，面對現(xiàn)實，而電視只會擾亂她的神經(jīng)。