Why frown? Why shouldn’t Olympics be discussed under relationships? If you knew what I know, you would stop reading along the lines; the real truth is between the lines. And, for London 2012, who cares about the medals when we can discuss the ratio of condoms per athlete?
Those Ugandans you saw flagged off by the President, are heading for the Olympic village (don’t be deceived, it is actually town, no, city) to join the world’s spectacular talent with a chaste devotion to take back home medals to their countries. First timers will be shocked to see what they find.
When you congregate 10,000 super-fi t young men and women – with 70% of the world’s testosterone – in one village, what happens? Prayers and meditation?
Well, sorry, wrong mathematics. No! Sex, booze, drugs, orgies and whatever word belongs to this family. So, forget Sex And The City; this is Sex In The Village. If your partner is already there, it may be too late. But I can comfort you with a revelation from the US women’s football goalkeeper Hope Solo, who is also already in London, who said about Beijing: “There’s a lot of sex going on!” Asked if all Olympians are involved, her teammate, swimmer Ryan Lochte, whose London Games with be her third Olympic, put the numbers at about 75%. Yours may be among the 25%.
Solo let the Olympic’s cat out of the bag when she narrated her experience to the press. And we all wondered why we never told from the calculations:
At the 2000 Sydney Games, 70,000 condoms were not enough, prompting the organisers to order a second batch of 20,000 and a new standing order of 100,000 condoms per the subsequent Olympics. This year in London, the organising committee is providing 150,000 free-of-charge.
For the 10,490 athletes, that is enough condoms for every athlete to have sex 15 times over the Olympics’ three weeks — no, it is double that because people do not have sex with themselves!
According to the United Nations Population Fund, 34 million Ugandans need about eight million condoms a month. If Ugandans were as active as Olympians, we would need 500 million condoms a month!
But what else did you expect? Olympians are young, supremely healthy people, full of testosterone and have been training with the intensity of combat troops for years. They have the best bodies, from gymnasts to swimmers, best company – all celebs, and a sense of achievement (or frustration in case of loss).
Suddenly they are released into a Big Brother house, without cameras, neither prying reporters nor overprotective parents and everything from booze to condoms is on the house! Their training diet of 9,000 calories per day leaves them excess energy because they are no longer training as hard. Why wouldn’t the village become a pretty wild scene, the biggest melting pot you can imagine?
When the US target shooter, Josh Lakatos was interviewed by The Guardian about his Sydney 2000 Olympics in Australia, he said after his silver medal, the US Olympic Committee officials and his teammates ordered him to hand over his keys and leave for home. From his experience four years earlier in Atlanta, he knew better. He cut wisdom and paid the cleaner to kindly look the other way as he tampered with the lock and prolonged his stay clandestinely.
Everyone was doing that. Everyday brought in new athletes who had finished their games and bang! The party flames licked the sky.
“It went for eight days as scores of Olympians, male and female, partied at all hours, literary piling the place up with used condoms,” says Lakatos. “I’ve never witnessed so much debauchery in my entire life.”
The British Olympic Association spokesperson, Darryl Seibel, acknowledged that sex in the village happens, but he said “it is a highly personal matter and none of our business.”
And for real details of my findings, read Saturday Vision this weekend.
