5 Toxic Beliefs That Can End Any Relationship
終結(jié)任何戀情的5種有害戀愛觀
Want to maximize the chances that your relationship will last? If you do, take an inventory of your relationship belief system. If you have a habit of carrying negative thought patterns into your romance, you could be sabotaging your prospects at everlasting love.
想要盡最大可能讓愛情之花常開？如果是的話，需要盤點(diǎn)一下你的愛情信仰體系了。如果你習(xí)慣在愛情中融入消極的思維方式，你可能正在破壞你的戀情。
Here are the top five toxic beliefs that can end any relationship:
下面這五種有害的想法會導(dǎo)致任何戀情夭折：
1. Believing your happiness is the responsibility of the of the other person.
認(rèn)為你的幸福是對方的責(zé)任。
When your partner does something hurtful, it is natural to want to blame them for your feelings of shock, anger and disappointment. Expressing and working through these emotions is the one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself and your relationship. However, if days, months, and years go on with you continuing to be miserable because you just can’t “l(fā)et go” of what the other person did, your relationship is at serious risk.
當(dāng)你的戀人做了一些傷害性的事情，想要指責(zé)他們是很自然的。因?yàn)樗麄冏屇愀械秸痼@，憤怒和失望。你能夠?yàn)樽约汉湍銈兊膽偾樗龅淖钣幸娴氖虑橹皇潜磉_(dá)并克服這些情緒。然而，如果日復(fù)一日，年復(fù)一年你仍然難以釋懷，仍然因?qū)Ψ阶鲞^的事情而痛苦，那么你們的戀情就處于危險(xiǎn)的邊緣。
While someone may have acted unkindly, disrespectfully or even abusively, ultimately, there is only one person responsible for your happiness. That person is you. There is power in taking responsibility for your own life’s happiness.
盡管有人的行為不友好，不尊重甚至是侮辱性的，最終，為你的幸福負(fù)責(zé)的只有一個人，那就是你。為自己生活中的幸福負(fù)責(zé)是你的權(quán)利。
Don’t give that power away to someone else, even your lover!
不要把這項(xiàng)權(quán)利移交給任何人，哪怕是你的戀人！
2. Believing your relationship should always be struggle and drama-free.
認(rèn)為你們的戀情沒有困難，沒有波折。
As a human, you are here to learn and grow so you can become fulfilled in your life. Growth, however, just isn’t possible without the occasional struggle. Your partner is one of the best people to help you work through your personal and relationship limits to realize the fullness of who you really are.
作為人類，你降臨人世是為了學(xué)習(xí)和成長，從而在生活中獲得充實(shí)和滿足感。然而，沒有偶爾的艱難是不可能成長的。你的戀人是幫助你突破個人和戀情的限制，讓你充分實(shí)現(xiàn)自我的最佳人選。
Why? Because that person loves you!
為什么呢？因?yàn)檫@個人愛你！
When things feel hopeless because of the relationship conflict you are experiencing, before you throw in the towel, consider these possibilities: (a) YOU could be wrong; (b) if you are right, the principle of the matter isn’t worth hanging onto for the sake of peace; (c) your partner’s behavior is a reflection of the way in which you have been treating them; and (d) just like you, your partner wants validation, security and love.
當(dāng)你經(jīng)歷戀情矛盾而感到無望時(shí)，放棄之前先考慮下面的可能性：(a) 你是錯的；(b)如果你是對的，為了和平考慮，不值得你堅(jiān)持這樣的原則；(c) 你的伴侶的行為反映了你對待他們的方式；(d)就像你一樣，你的伴侶也希望得到肯定，安全和愛。
By reframing your relationship growing pains, you will see conflict as the gift that it truly is.
重新認(rèn)識戀情發(fā)展之痛，你會把矛盾視為一份真正的禮物。
3. Believing that once your trust has been broken, all hope is lost for your relationship.
認(rèn)為一旦信任破裂，你們的戀情就毫無希望。
At some point in your relationship, your partner will break their word to you. Whether you want to admit it or not, you will break your word to your partner, as well. These things do not make either of you “bad” people. They do not make you poor relationship material.
在戀情的某個時(shí)候，你的戀人可能會對你食言。無論你是否承認(rèn)，你也會對你的戀人食言。這些事情不會讓任何一方成為“壞人”，也不會讓你成為不良戀愛對象。
They simply make you human.
它們只會讓你成為真正的人。
You will undoubtedly feel devastated when your life’s partner has broken your trust. While you should allow yourself to experience the range of emotions that you will, if you love the other person and want to save the relationship, you will do one thing for certain: have a conversation to try to comprehend what lead your partner to do what they did.
毫無疑問，當(dāng)你生活的伴侶辜負(fù)了你的信任時(shí)，你會感覺到震驚和難過。你可以放縱自己宣泄情緒。然而，如果你愛對方，希望挽救這段戀情，你一定要做的一件事就是：進(jìn)行對話，試著了解你的伴侶為何會做出這種事。
There will be some situations where your partner doesn’t understand their own actions. In most cases, however, with honest communication, it is possible to comprehend the reasons “why” (although you may not agree with the behavior itself). Once you grasp the cause for your partner’s conduct, ask yourself how or whether you contributed to those actions.
有時(shí)你的伴侶也不能理解自己的行為。然而，大部分情況下，通過真誠的溝通，是有可能理解事情的原因的（盡管你或許不贊同這種行為）。一旦你了解了造成對方行為的原因，問一下自己，你是否或如何促成了這種行為的發(fā)生。
If your own behavior was a contributing factor, consider whether the relationship is important enough to you (and it would be healthy for you) to consider changing your behavior…for the sake of love.
如果你自己的行為也是一個促成因素，考慮一下這段戀情對你來說是否足夠重要（對你來說比較健康），為了愛情，改變自己的行為。
4. Believing that keeping secrets from your partner is lying or breaking their trust.
認(rèn)為向你的伴侶保密是撒謊或不信任的行為。
Do you hate being around your in-laws? If so, in the name of relationship integrity, do you need to share that fact with your partner every time you think about it? Absolutely not!
你是否討厭和親家相處？如果是的話，為了戀情的完好考慮，你是否每次這樣想的時(shí)候都需要告訴你的戀人？千萬不要！
Sometimes saving your relationship actually depends on you not telling your lover about every thought that crosses your mind; not having a filter could subject your partner to thoughts which are fleeting and insignificant. However, in many cases, when constantly spoken, these unimportant thoughts permanently poison the soil from which contentment and trust bloom.
有時(shí)挽救戀情取決于不要把你腦海中的每一個想法都告訴你的戀人。不經(jīng)大腦脫口而出的想法可能只是一閃而過又無關(guān)緊要的。然而，許多情況下，如果經(jīng)常說的話，這些不重要的想法會永久性地毒害滿足和信任生長的土壤。
When you are inclined to share something that could be hurtful to your partner, ask yourself whether the disclosure is necessary to preserve the continued well-being of the relationship. If it isn’t, consider keeping the secret to yourself.
當(dāng)你傾向于分享可能傷害你的戀人的想法時(shí)，問一下自己，顯露內(nèi)心的想法對于維護(hù)你們的戀情是否必要。如果不是，考慮把這個秘密埋藏心底。
5. Believing that work, children and friends are all more important than time spent on your relationship.
認(rèn)為工作，孩子和朋友都比花費(fèi)時(shí)間經(jīng)營戀情更加重要
Once the hormone-infused “honeymoon” is over, for individuals in a relationship, they get back to the business of life. For you, that could mean immersing yourself in your work, your children, your hobbies and your friends. It is all too easy to allow your partner to sink to the lowest priority in trying to juggle these competing interests. The sustained lack of focus on a relationship causes many people to wake up one day (after the kids are gone, for example) and realize they are in a committed relationship with a stranger.
一旦荷爾蒙滋養(yǎng)的“蜜月期”結(jié)束，戀愛中的個人就會重回生活瑣事。對你來說，可能意味著沉迷于工作，孩子，愛好和朋友。你的戀人很容易就會下降到最不重要的地位，從而與你的諸多愛好相競爭。戀情中持續(xù)缺乏關(guān)注會導(dǎo)致許多人有一天醒來時(shí)（例如孩子離開后）意識到他們的戀人就像是陌生人。
Don’t let this happen to you. Just like you do with your job supervisor, schedule a regular time to sit and explore how each of you are feeling, whether your respective needs are being met, and what can be done to improve the areas in which a need isn’t being met. Aside from this regular relationship evaluation, spend time with your partner, away from everyone else, enjoying their company, learning new things and creating a vision for your shared future.
不要讓這種情況發(fā)生在你的身上。就像與你的主管一樣，經(jīng)常安排時(shí)間坐下來相互了解對方的感受，相互是否受到了尊重，對于沒有得到滿足的方面，應(yīng)該怎樣來改善。除了經(jīng)常進(jìn)行戀情評估外，遠(yuǎn)離他人，與戀人共度二人世界，享受他們的陪伴，學(xué)習(xí)新事物，共同展望你們的未來。
With regular and consistent communication, you and your partner will give each other the chance to discover and end these toxic beliefs that could threaten to end any relationship – even yours.
經(jīng)常始終如一地進(jìn)行溝通，你和戀人都會給予對方機(jī)會來發(fā)現(xiàn)和終止這些可能會威脅你們的戀情的有害思想。
