我們翻譯這篇文章的理由
——糖消
??
時(shí)間是如何改變了他
作者：Lydia Davis
譯者：糖消
校對(duì)：宋一
策劃：一丹 & 胖胖
HE USED TO PLAY the violin, but then, as his fingers thickened and lost some of their agility, he became frustrated by trying to play, and then bored by it. He put the violin away in its case for good, had the case removed to a storeroom, and, instead, invited others in to play for him and his family in the evenings. In time, this playing by others, too, wearied him with its incessant sound and he no longer invited musicians into his home or willingly listened to any music, except, perhaps, at long intervals, from a distance, a patriotic march.
從前他拉小提琴，但隨著手指日漸肥厚，不再靈敏，他便因?yàn)椴荒軓椙俣兊镁趩?，慢慢也就失了興趣。他把小提琴放在盒子里，搬到儲(chǔ)藏室里去，晚上請(qǐng)別人為他和他的家人演奏。這種由他人演奏而發(fā)出的小提琴聲也漸漸令他感到倦怠，那聲音連續(xù)不斷，他再也不請(qǐng)人來(lái)家里演奏，也不愿再聽任何音樂。哦，或許除了遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)地、偶爾地聽聽國(guó)歌什么的。
He USED TO PROVIDE what was needed in the way of food, equipment, and guides for parties of men to go off exploring. They would bring him not only reports of what they had seen but also handsome artifacts, such as feathered tribal headdresses and small handmade axes and other tools. These he would display in his roomy front hall, and visitors waiting for a private audience would pass the time studying the artifacts and learning about the indigenous tribes of the country. He had had exactly this in mind, to educate the public, when he directed that the artifacts be displayed thus on the walls and in cabinets. But then he tired of the artifacts and lost interest in what they signaled of other cultures, and no longer cared about educating the public. He had everything in the front hall taken off the walls and out of the house and sold to a museum. The bare walls, a relief to his eyes, were then to be painted gold. He no longer sent parties of men out to explore the wilderness, for he no longer had any interest in other landscapes or the wild-life or primitive peoples that inhabited them. Geography now confused him.
從前他會(huì)準(zhǔn)備食物、指南和設(shè)施等等，來(lái)鼓勵(lì)參加聚會(huì)的人們進(jìn)一步探索。人們帶來(lái)的不止有自己看到過(guò)的各種報(bào)道，還有一些漂亮的藝術(shù)品,比如來(lái)自某部落的羽毛頭飾、小巧的手工斧頭和其他工具。他會(huì)把這些東西都放在寬敞的前廳展示，來(lái)訪者等待會(huì)面的時(shí)候，會(huì)研究這些東西打發(fā)時(shí)間，好學(xué)到有關(guān)這個(gè)國(guó)家土著部落的知識(shí)。教育公眾，這一點(diǎn)他心知肚明。他決定將這些東西掛在墻上、放在閣樓里的時(shí)候就知道?，F(xiàn)在他倦了，也不再關(guān)心那些藝術(shù)品所包含的文化意義，不再關(guān)心如何教導(dǎo)大眾。他把前廳墻上的東西都取了下來(lái)，賣給了博物館。光禿禿的墻壁在他看來(lái)是對(duì)雙眼的解放，后來(lái)又被漆成了金色。他不再把來(lái)聚會(huì)的人帶去探索自然，因?yàn)樗麑?duì)別處風(fēng)景再無(wú)興趣，對(duì)野生動(dòng)物和還過(guò)著原始生活的人們也不再關(guān)心。如今，地理問(wèn)題使他困惑。
HE USED TO IMPORT and drink fine wines from France. But then he gave up drinking alcohol and put a high tariff on wines from France. If he could not enjoy the wines, he would make them more costly for others to enjoy. More generally, although he had once admired France and studied French architecture, looking for ideas for his own house, he no longer respected that country or any European country. He felt that the French, even more than other Europeans, might possibly be smarter and wiser than he was, and that feeling caused him to turn against them.
從前他會(huì)從法國(guó)進(jìn)口好酒，自己也喝。但后來(lái)他戒了，還對(duì)從法國(guó)進(jìn)口的酒征收很高的關(guān)稅。如果他無(wú)福消受這些美酒，那么就要讓別人也很難喝到，起碼要讓成本變高。從大的方面來(lái)說(shuō)，雖然他一度很向往法國(guó)，還研究法國(guó)的建筑為自己的房子找尋靈感，但后來(lái)他不了，也不再傾慕任何一個(gè)歐洲國(guó)家。他覺得法國(guó)人在眾多來(lái)自歐洲國(guó)家的人之中脫穎而出，可能比自己要聰明地多，也明智地多，這種想法令他產(chǎn)生了抵抗他們的想法。
HE WAS OVER SIX feet tall, and stood well above most other men. He had once been lean, and he knew that others had then said of him that he had “no excess flesh.” But in time he grew heavier and his waist thickened, and he inclined forward as he walked, with his eyes directed down.
從前他身高一米八二還多，比大部分男性都高。那時(shí)候他很瘦，他也知道別人說(shuō)他“身上沒有一點(diǎn)兒多余的肉”。不過(guò)后來(lái)他發(fā)福了，腰也粗了，走路的時(shí)候重心前傾，眼神只得落在地面。
HE USED TO RIDE his horse on the grounds of the estate and to other estates nearby, on visits to his neighbors, and he cut a handsome figure on horseback. But over the years, as he aged, and as he grew stout, it was harder for him to mount his horse, and his hands were not as strong or agile on the reins. Riding became uncomfortable, and he began to dislike his horse, as it also now disliked him. He began to avoid the company of all animals. They paid little attention to him, and he was now a man who craved attention. They required attention and care for themselves.
從前他會(huì)在自己的土地上騎馬，也會(huì)去附近的土地轉(zhuǎn)轉(zhuǎn)，看看鄰居。他給馬背上畫了一個(gè)炫酷的圖案。但多年過(guò)去，他也老了，身體沉重，上馬都很費(fèi)勁，握住韁繩的雙手也沒那么有力和靈敏了。騎馬變成了一件不舒服的事，他也開始討厭自己的馬，就像馬也嫌棄他一樣。他開始避免和動(dòng)物待在一起。它們不再關(guān)注他，而他卻極度渴望被關(guān)注。動(dòng)物們更留意自己，希望被關(guān)心而不是關(guān)心他人。
ONCE, YEARS BEFORE, he had commissioned skilled copies of the best paintings by the old masters, to be hung on the walls of his parlor. Among them were portraits of his three heroes, men whose writings he had read and reread: Francis Bacon, Isaac Newton, and John Locke. But after a time he became bored by the subjects depicted in the paintings, or he told his wife, in any case, he was bored by them. Many of the paintings depicted brave men, wise men, learned men, or compassionate men; these were storied men, men of myth and fable, or men who had figured in important historic events, in addition to the great thinkers Bacon, Newton, and Locke, and he was, after looking up at them for so many years, now led inevitably to compare himself to these figures. He was now led to question his own worth as a human being when he gazed at them, and this made him uncomfortable. He had the paintings removed and replaced by poorly executed, but very large, portraits of himself.
多年前，他曾托人臨摹大師的佳作，并將精巧的繪畫摹本掛在會(huì)客室。此外，墻上還掛著弗朗西斯·培根、艾薩克·牛頓和約翰·洛克的畫像，他把這三位視作英雄，把他們的著作讀了又讀。但后來(lái)，他對(duì)畫中所繪主題感到厭倦，也會(huì)隨時(shí)告訴妻子他的這種厭倦。除了偉大的思想家培根、牛頓和洛克，很多畫作的主人公也都是勇敢之人、聰慧之人、學(xué)有所成之人或悲憫之人，他們經(jīng)歷豐富、色彩神秘，受人傳頌，也青史留名。這么多年看著這些人，他不可避免地將自己與之相比。現(xiàn)在，他看著他們的時(shí)候會(huì)質(zhì)疑自己作為人類的價(jià)值，這讓他很不舒服。他把這些畫拿下來(lái)，換上自己的畫像，畫工粗糙，尺寸驚人。
IN THIS SAME PARLOR, which looked out from three French windows in a large bay toward the formal garden behind the house, which he himself had designed years before, taking a formal garden of France as his model, he used to spend the evenings playing games with his children and his wife, or listening to a performance of new music on the harpsichord, or talking in French about new political ideas with a visitor from overseas. But in time he became bored by all of these activities, too often repeated. He found that they tired him excessively, and he would go off to spend the evening sitting in a smaller room by himself.
從這間會(huì)客廳的三扇法式窗向外眺，是屋后的正式花園，連著海灣。那是他多年前自己設(shè)計(jì)的，參考了法國(guó)一所花園的建造方式。從前，他有很多個(gè)夜晚都是在這間會(huì)客室度過(guò)的，和妻子孩子玩玩游戲，聽聽撥弦琴鍵流淌出的新曲子，或是和一位外國(guó)朋友用法語(yǔ)聊聊全新的政治見解。但現(xiàn)在他對(duì)這些都感到厭煩，覺得它們只是些重復(fù)性活動(dòng)了。他實(shí)在是覺得太煩了，還不如把夜晚留給獨(dú)自坐在小房間的自己。
HIS WIFE HAD once delighted in his company and conversation, but gradually, now, she became accustomed to his absence in the evening from the family circle. As he sat in another room, she knew he sometimes brooded. He thought that certain people looked down upon him. He would not allow her to comfort him.
他的妻子曾為有他陪伴和與他交談開心，但漸漸地，她開始習(xí)慣晚上見不到他。他在另一個(gè)房間的時(shí)候，她知道，他有時(shí)陷在長(zhǎng)久的自我情緒中。他覺得有些人看不起他，他不許她安慰自己。
AT ONE TIME, he had liked to acquire new knowledge, to feel his brain actively engaged with something unfamiliar and challenging, and for this reason he had bought or borrowed and read one book after another. He acquired knowledge not only through reading books but also through listening to the talk of well-informed men and having extensive conversations with these men, and sometimes from conversing also with women, women who had intelligent or sensible ideas, including his wife. But then he tired of new knowledge. Now he preferred to be confirmed in what he already knew, or believed he knew. And then, over time, so gradually that he did not notice, what he knew changed by degrees, so that it was no longer entirely true to the facts, but was in part false, now merely, in part, a mistaken belief. But since he had not perceived the change, he did not realize this.
從前，他喜歡獲得新知識(shí)，喜歡感到自己的大腦活躍地處理著或陌生或困難的信息。因此，他買了或借了很多書，一本接一本地讀。除了看書，他獲取知識(shí)的方式還有聆聽博學(xué)的人談話，并與之深度交流。有時(shí)，他還會(huì)和聰慧的、見解獨(dú)到的女性交談，包括他的妻子。但后來(lái)他對(duì)新知感到厭煩?，F(xiàn)在，他滿足于自己的已知，或是人們認(rèn)為的他的已知。后來(lái)，他的所知有程度高低的變化，于是他知道的東西不一定總是與事實(shí)相符，有時(shí)會(huì)有一些錯(cuò)誤，甚至從根本上就是錯(cuò)誤的。但這種變化太過(guò)緩慢，他難以察覺，也就沒有認(rèn)識(shí)到這點(diǎn)。
He had at one time spoken French fluently and took pleasure in conversing with the French. He was able, also, to read not only French but also Greek, Latin, Spanish, and Italian, and would occasionally work on improving his German. But as he read less and less, and ceased to welcome foreign visitors into his house, he began to forget these languages. And as he forgot them, he also came to feel that to be so very well educated was the privilege of only a few, not the many, and he preferred to be one of the many, or to see himself as one of the many. Or, perhaps, he preferred to be one of the few, but it was now a different few, it was the few of those who were powerful, and wealthy, not those few who were also very well educated.
他以前法語(yǔ)說(shuō)的很流利，也很愿意用法語(yǔ)交流。他不僅能用法語(yǔ)閱讀，希臘語(yǔ)、拉丁語(yǔ)、西班牙語(yǔ)和意大利語(yǔ)也不在話下。有時(shí)候他還會(huì)學(xué)學(xué)德語(yǔ)。但隨著他讀書越來(lái)越少，也不再邀請(qǐng)外國(guó)訪客，他開始遺忘這些語(yǔ)言。他開始感到，接受如此良好的教育只是少數(shù)人的特權(quán)，不是大多數(shù)人的，而他希望做大多數(shù)之一，或者說(shuō)把自己看作大多數(shù)之一。或許，他是愿意被歸為少數(shù)的，只不過(guò)現(xiàn)在那是一種特殊的“少數(shù)”，這些少數(shù)的人有權(quán)有錢，但并未接受過(guò)良好的教育。
HE WAS AT TIMES, in some periods of his life, very wealthy, and spent his money freely, on rebuilding his house, and adding to his gardens, and increasing his library, and buying fine things, especially clothing, for his children and wife. But he was often, also, bankrupt, and at these times would sell some of what he owned. By the time he died he would be, once again, heavily in debt.
從前，他有段時(shí)間很富有，花錢很隨意。他翻新房屋，擴(kuò)建花園、圖書館，購(gòu)買好看的商品給妻子和孩子，尤其是衣服。但他也常常破產(chǎn)，然后他就會(huì)賣掉一些東西。到他死的時(shí)候，他就又是一身債了。
HE USED TO ENJOY a wide variety of food from Europe, especially from France, cooked in many different ways and accompanied by complex sauces. But over time, he came to prefer certain familiar cuts of meat cooked always in the same way, and plain bread. In fact, he now preferred most of his food to be plain. He ate more sweet dishes, often the same ones, and drank sweet drinks with his meals.
從前，他喜歡吃歐洲的各種食物，尤其是法國(guó)的食材。他喜歡把它們用多種方法烹飪，佐以精致的醬汁。但后來(lái)他喜歡吃某幾種肉，用同樣的方法做，也喜歡吃最普通的面包。其實(shí)，他現(xiàn)在的口味就是普通的、淡淡的。他比從前吃更多的甜品——常常就那么幾種，也在用餐時(shí)喝甜口的飲品。
HE USED TO HAVE one of the largest personal libraries in the country, until he found it harder and harder to read anything at all. He mixed up the letters and his eyesight began to fail. He could have worn corrective glasses, but he was a vain man and would not tolerate being seen in them, even by his family. His memory also began to fail, so that he could not keep the sentences in his head, if he tried to read. For a short time, he brought in assistants to sit with him and summarize for him what was in the books, but even this became too difficult, since he could not understand, or remember, what the young men said, even as they were saying it. They sometimes drew diagrams and pictures for him and he could understand the pictures, but many complex ideas could not be represented by pictures. He now rejected complex ideas.
從前，他擁有這個(gè)國(guó)家最大的私人圖書館，直到后來(lái)他發(fā)現(xiàn)閱讀變得越來(lái)越困難。他認(rèn)錯(cuò)字母，視力也開始下降。他本可以戴上矯正眼鏡，但他過(guò)于在意外表，不能忍受被人看到自己要戴眼鏡才能看清東西，就算是自己的家人也不行。他的記憶力也開始變差，就算勉強(qiáng)讀了書，也記不住讀過(guò)的東西。有段時(shí)間他讓助手幫他總結(jié)一下書中的內(nèi)容，然后告訴他，但即使是這樣，閱讀也是困難的，因?yàn)樗麩o(wú)法理解、記住年輕的助手說(shuō)了什么，即使是在他們說(shuō)話的間隙，他也不記得對(duì)方的話語(yǔ)。人們有時(shí)會(huì)給他看些圖表和圖畫——他是看得懂圖片的，但更多復(fù)雜的理念是沒辦法用圖片表達(dá)的?，F(xiàn)在，他抗拒復(fù)雜的理念。
At last, as the books on the shelves reminded him too painfully of what he had lost, he came to resent them and had them removed. He owned, at that point, 6,700 volumes. He sold them to the government, and they formed the beginnings of the government’s own vast library. He never went to see them there, as he no longer had any interest in libraries. Once the books were gone, his own bare shelves were a relief. He did not allow a smaller collection of books to grow in the place of the large one and occupy the shelves again. He did not, in particular, acquire a copy of Don Quixote, as he had earlier wished to do. Instead, he declared that the shelves were to remain empty and had them painted gold. He had come to value gold above all else, as representing a thing of the very highest value. He had not only his shelves and the walls of his entry hall painted gold, but also the frames of his portraits.
最后，書架上的書讓他無(wú)比痛苦地感受到已經(jīng)失去的東西。他開始痛恨書籍，把它們?nèi)砍妨讼聛?lái)。那時(shí)，他已經(jīng)擁有6700冊(cè)書。他全部賣給了政府，這些書變成了政府大型圖書館的第一批藏書。他從來(lái)不去看它們，因?yàn)樗麑?duì)圖書館再也沒有興趣。書沒了，光禿禿的書架對(duì)他來(lái)說(shuō)是一種解脫。他不想讓這個(gè)曾經(jīng)放書的小小地方放上更多的書，再次占據(jù)書架。他以前很想要一本《堂吉訶德》原作的抄本，但現(xiàn)在他不了。他說(shuō)書架要保持空空的，漆成金色。他開始特別喜歡金色，覺得金色代表著事物擁有最高價(jià)值。他不僅把書架和走廊里的墻壁都漆成金色，還把他自畫像的邊框也涂成了金色。
HE ONCE TOOK PLEASURE in creating his own designs, for his rooms, gardens, and furniture, and had hired fine craftsmen to execute them. After observing the architecture of France, he had added thirteen skylights to his house and a dome to surmount it, and connected two parts of the upper floor with a mezzanine, a new thing at the time. He created alcoves in the bedrooms in which to put the beds, in order to save space. In his dining room, he devised a dumbwaiter to be fitted inside one part of the fireplace, for bringing wine up from the cellar below, as he had seen once in a tavern in Europe. For his study, he designed a revolving bookstand. It could hold open, for reference, five large books at a time. When he no longer read books, he had the revolving bookstand removed to a storeroom. He could have sold it to a library, but he no longer harbored kindly feelings toward any library.
以前，他熱衷于自己設(shè)計(jì)房間、花園和家具，還會(huì)雇手藝好的工匠來(lái)施工。在觀察了法國(guó)的建筑后，他給自己的房子加了十三扇天窗和一個(gè)穹頂，還把頂層的兩個(gè)樓面用夾層連接了起來(lái)，這在當(dāng)時(shí)是一種創(chuàng)新。他在臥室里打造了壁龕用來(lái)放床以節(jié)省空間。他設(shè)計(jì)了一架升降機(jī)放在餐廳里，嵌在壁爐中，這樣一來(lái)就能直接從酒窖里取酒，就像他在歐洲一家酒館里看到的那樣。為了學(xué)習(xí)，他還設(shè)計(jì)了一個(gè)旋轉(zhuǎn)書架。它可以同時(shí)打開五本大書供他參考。不過(guò)，因?yàn)樗辉倏磿?便把旋轉(zhuǎn)書架移到儲(chǔ)藏室。他本來(lái)可以把它賣給圖書館,但現(xiàn)在他對(duì)任何圖書館都沒有好感了。
HE ONCE HAD EXTENSIVE gardens of vegetables and fruits and kept a detailed diary of crops, harvests, and yields. He would walk daily through the gardens and orchards, stopping to confer with the gardeners. But then he lost interest, and tired of walking. He stayed out of the gardens and chose not even to look at them from the windows of the house. At last, he had the gardens plowed under and seeded for lawns, and, if he needed to cross the lawns, rode over them in a small motorized cart, for fear of touching the grass with his shoes. He had also, in the meantime, come to believe that exercise was harmful and that any man had only a limited reserve of physical strength which could soon be spent.
從前，他有很多菜園和果園，還會(huì)詳細(xì)記錄播種、收獲和產(chǎn)量的情況。他會(huì)每天到花園和果園看看，停下腳步和園藝師聊聊。但后來(lái)他沒了興趣，也不喜歡散步了。然后他讓人把花園翻了土，種上了草坪，當(dāng)他想穿過(guò)草坪的時(shí)候，就騎上一輛小型的機(jī)動(dòng)車，他怕鞋子碰到草地。他還開始相信，鍛煉對(duì)身體有害，每個(gè)人的體力是一定的，很快就會(huì)用完。
HE ONCE SAID THAT the future of the country depended on the ability of the people to make informed decisions. He continued to believe this but came to feel it was even more important for him to control the decisions they made, and so he decided also to control what information they received. Thus, he conveyed to them not only good information, but also, when he wished or needed to, false information.
他以前說(shuō)，這個(gè)國(guó)家的未來(lái)在于人們是否能做出明智的選擇。他現(xiàn)在依然相信這點(diǎn)，只不過(guò)覺得更重要的是，他能夠掌控人們所做的選擇。因此他決定，對(duì)人們接收的訊息也進(jìn)行管控。于是，他不僅向人們傳達(dá)好的信息，當(dāng)他想或需要的時(shí)候，也傳達(dá)錯(cuò)誤的信息。
HE ONCE HAD, when he was young, ideals for the country. He had visions of what it could become, and how perfect its government and its society could be. Over time, however, he lost those ideals. They tired him. He came to embrace a different idea, one that filled him with nervous interest. He now saw the country as a vast and rich resource that could be well managed to the benefit of a certain few able men like himself.
他年輕的時(shí)候，對(duì)這個(gè)國(guó)家抱有理想。他設(shè)想過(guò)國(guó)家的未來(lái)，也認(rèn)為政府和社會(huì)會(huì)很完美。但隨著時(shí)間流逝，他不再想這些。它們讓他感到厭煩。他開始擁抱一種全新的理念，緊張地、興致勃勃地。如今，他把這個(gè)國(guó)家看作是一個(gè)巨大的、富裕的資源庫(kù)，可以被像他那樣極少數(shù)的天之驕子所利用，為他們創(chuàng)造價(jià)值。
HE ONCE SAID THAT what gave a man happiness was “tranquility and occupation.” But then he came to reject tranquility as having no value, and to prefer a state of agitation, and the nervous energy of sleeplessness. Whereas he had once had many occupations, he now had few. One was to watch other men more articulate than he was engage in public debate. These had to be, however, men with whom he agreed, since for him to be in disagreement agitated him more than he could bear.
他曾說(shuō)給人帶來(lái)幸福的是“平靜和滿足感”。但后來(lái)他拒絕了平靜,因?yàn)橛X得它毫無(wú)價(jià)值。他更喜歡一種激動(dòng)的狀態(tài)，還有失眠時(shí)的能量感。雖然他曾經(jīng)有過(guò)許多有滿足感的時(shí)刻,但現(xiàn)在卻很少有了。其一就是看著他人在公開辯論中比他更侃侃而談。不過(guò),這些人一定是他所同意的人,因?yàn)閷?duì)他來(lái)說(shuō),意見分歧是他無(wú)法承受的。
AS FOR HAPPINESS, at heart he was almost certainly not a happy man. He was certainly not as happy as he had once been. But because he offered false information not only to others, but also to himself, he surely would have said, if asked, that he was a happy man.
至于快樂這種東西，他打從心里認(rèn)為自己不是一個(gè)開心的人。他的確沒有以前開心了。但由于他不僅向別人撒謊，也向自己撒，如果你問(wèn)他，他很可能會(huì)說(shuō)，自己是個(gè)快樂的人。
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本文原載于 Project MUSE
原文鏈接：https://muse.jhu.edu/article/765305
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