2014考研英語(yǔ)作文熱門(mén)話題范文：道德滑坡
①Looking at this thought-provoking picture(加“which was”,其中which引導(dǎo)定語(yǔ)從句，修飾picture;was和后面的depicted構(gòu)成被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)) symbolically depicted by the drawer, I do realize the urgency to improve the moral standards nowadays. ②A pregnant woman, an old man and his little granddaughter stands(“stands”改為“stand”，該句主語(yǔ)為復(fù)數(shù)，主謂應(yīng)保持一致)on the crowded bus, looking at a young man who sits in the seat comfortably with a piece of black cloth covering his eyes, puzzled and indignant(“puzzled and indignant”是用來(lái)修飾the yong man, 或是作者“感到困惑和憤怒”，應(yīng)表達(dá)清晰;若要表達(dá)作者的情感，可改為：...covering his eyes. I feel puzzled and indignant).①The temporary blind in the picture indicates a serious phenomenon in the modern society that some young people are suffering from moral decline. ②The reasons contributing to moral decline are worth pondering. ③First, respecting the old and caring the young is abandoned by some modern people, because they only care about their own benefits. ④Only if you could provide them with a great outcome(“a great outcome”改為“great outcomes”，和them保持一致), will they lend you a hand(“a hand”改為“hands”，和they保持一致) in exchange. ⑤In addition, the educational system is also to blame(“be to blame for”意為“對(duì)……應(yīng)負(fù)責(zé)任;應(yīng)該為某事負(fù)責(zé)任”，如果要表述“教育體制也應(yīng)對(duì)此負(fù)責(zé)”，可表達(dá)為： the educational system is also to blame for the phenomenon;如若要表述“教育體制也應(yīng)受到責(zé)備”，可表達(dá)為the educational system should also to be blamed). ⑥It emphasizes more on high marks at the expense of having few time to teach traditional moral values in school which leads to people’s defect (“defect”為可數(shù)名詞，此處應(yīng)改為“defects”和people保持一致)on this issue.①It is high time that we fostered our moral values. ②For one thing, schools and governments should play an active role (“an active role”應(yīng)改為“active roles”，前后主謂保持一致，主語(yǔ)為schools and governments)in advocating moral values and traditional virtues to teach the young. ③For another, individuals should learn more about virtues and help people around with a warm heart(“a warm heart”改為“ warm hearts”,前后單復(fù)數(shù)保持一致). ④Only through our joint effort(“effort”應(yīng)改為“efforts”,前后單復(fù)數(shù)保持一致), could we recollect the virtues.
編輯點(diǎn)評(píng)
文章亮點(diǎn)：文章結(jié)構(gòu)完整，每個(gè)段落的功能基本得以體現(xiàn)。文章錯(cuò)誤：①語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤：文章出現(xiàn)了一些語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，比如被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)、名詞單復(fù)數(shù)形式等。②句法錯(cuò)誤：有的句子表達(dá)不夠清楚。比如第一段第②句，第二段第⑤句。修改意見(jiàn)：文章整體結(jié)構(gòu)不錯(cuò)，但是要注意一些細(xì)節(jié)，避免不必要的錯(cuò)誤。本文中，單復(fù)數(shù)一致問(wèn)題較多，希望作者在完成習(xí)作時(shí)應(yīng)多檢查，盡量減少此類錯(cuò)誤。
As is indicated in the cartoon above,a big crowded of drivers stay in cars on the road,waiting for their turn to go,with patience almost running up(表達(dá)不準(zhǔn)確且句子缺成分，根據(jù)圖片可改為and even some people want to hold the car to go out of the long queue).In fact ,nowadays,this phenomenon reflected by the picture is so widespread,especially in super(super改為big，super表示“超級(jí)”，用在此處不合適)cities.Thanks to the fast development of economy,we have a chance to experience the more(去掉the more，rich為單音節(jié)形容詞，其比較級(jí)直接在后面加-er即可) richer life.As a result of that,(第一句用thanks to表示原因，第二句用as a result of that也表示原因，這樣有點(diǎn)繁瑣，建議將兩句話合為一句話，可改為and)the number of people who own cars is larger and larger.The once wide roads become narrow (漢語(yǔ)式英語(yǔ)，可改為The wide roads before become narrow now).In order to get to destination(改為destinations，每個(gè)人的目的地不一樣，應(yīng)用復(fù)數(shù)形式)on time,people have to set up (改為set out，set up意為“建立，創(chuàng)立”;set out為“出發(fā)”，注意短語(yǔ)的正確選擇) earlier in case of being blocked.By the way ,discharging too much carbon-dioxide to the air would(改為will) destroy the environment.Therefore,it is imperative for us to take measures to change the fact.The simplest method is to diminish the times(改為time，time在表示“時(shí)間”時(shí)，為不可數(shù)名詞，當(dāng)“次數(shù)”講時(shí)為可數(shù)名詞) of using private transportations.There is no doubt the world would change into a better place for us to live benefited from all the efforts we devote.(漢語(yǔ)式英語(yǔ)，可改為There is no doubt that the world will be better for us to live in as long as all of us devote our efforts.)
編輯點(diǎn)評(píng)
文章中存在一些細(xì)節(jié)問(wèn)題，比如詞匯的選擇和一些基礎(chǔ)的語(yǔ)法知識(shí)。作者在寫(xiě)作完之后若可以花費(fèi)幾分鐘時(shí)間來(lái)回讀文章，便會(huì)減少此類問(wèn)題，從而避免失分。同時(shí)，建議結(jié)合《寫(xiě)作160篇》的指導(dǎo)，認(rèn)真復(fù)習(xí)，積累經(jīng)典句型，避免漢語(yǔ)式英語(yǔ)的表達(dá)，不斷提高自己的寫(xiě)作水平。
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