我上午整理了一部分，下午準(zhǔn)備再寫的時候意外發(fā)現(xiàn)芷忻媽媽已經(jīng)整理好了。很全面，而且還把沒有翻譯的幾條翻譯好了。推薦給所有想了解正面管教的人！
I'm coming to China to learn and to teach. For more information go to: www.joytoexcellence.com
問: 當(dāng)家庭規(guī)則和其他孩子家庭規(guī)則不同，是否要堅持？比如其他孩子在吃冰淇淋，而我們認(rèn)為不可以，如果堅持孩子會很難過，如果例外孩子會不會覺得規(guī)則可以不遵守？
It is important to have family values, and to be flexible. When at another's home, it might not be polite to refuse what is offered. You can maintain your own values in your own home.
Yes, it is authorized by me.
問：簡博士，剛才看到有媽媽提問關(guān)于懷二寶，大寶生氣的事情，這個問題真的希望您多談?wù)撘幌?，我女兒四歲了，我也曾考慮過，但是征求孩子意見的時候，得到了否定，她不希望有個同伴來和他分享媽媽的愛。這種表現(xiàn)正常嗎？
答：為什么問她的意見？當(dāng)?shù)诙€孩子出生時，很多大點的孩子感到被“推下寶座”，但是他們會經(jīng)過這個階段，學(xué)習(xí)到父母對所有的孩子都有足夠的愛。如你所知，很多獨生子女被寵壞了。
Why would you ask her opinion? Most oldest children feel "dethroned" when a second child is born, but they get over it and learn than parents have enough love for all their children. As you may know, many only children become spoiled.
問：朋友在做正面管教推廣時，她說：她身邊的人對她的行為很質(zhì)疑。我本人認(rèn)為最需要正面管教的人群是：還沒有意識到自己的養(yǎng)育方式對孩子帶來的痛苦。對此您有什么好的建議嗎？
We don't teach anyone who doesn't want to learn. We only teach those who are interested to learn. People take in what they can, when they can.
答：我們鼓勵正面管教的講師不必成為專家，而是帶領(lǐng)參與者通過互動活動去從自己的體驗中去學(xué)習(xí)，很多年前我教授課程因為我需要和其它人共同學(xué)習(xí)。
We encourage PD teachers not to be experts, but to lead participants in experiential activities and invite them to learn from their own experience. Years ago I taught classes because I needed to learn along with everyone else.
Your child has good social skills to be so friendly! Validate her feelings and let it pass. Sometimes parents just need to stay out of the situation.
答：不要給孩子貼上害羞的標(biāo)簽，他可能以此來覺得自己很特殊，在家庭會議上告訴他他只要做自己就可以，同時培養(yǎng)他解決問題的能力，讓他覺得自己很有能力，只不過是以不同的方式。
Avoid labeling him as shy. He may start using this as his way to feel special. Just let him be who he is while having family meetings to teach him problem-solving skills that will help him feel capable in other ways.
問：你好，Jane。女兒2歲半，規(guī)則秩序感比較強(qiáng)，和其他小朋友一起玩，看到他們不按規(guī)則玩，或者是跟她自己的玩法不一致，喜歡去勸說阻止。人家不理她，就出手打人。和她說過好多次不能打人，但是始終無效。該怎么處理？
Sounds like other children need to be protected around her. Eventually she will learn to play cooperative or she won't have many friends, but I think she will have to learn this for herself.
答：不說只做，和善而堅定的拉著他們的手，帶他們?nèi)ニ麄冊撊サ牡胤健?/div>
Don't talk--act. Take them by the hand and kindly and firmly lead them where they need to go.
問：如果孩子迷戀上某些東西，比如某段時間突然喜歡一部電視，抱著電視或者ipad不放，如何才能幫助孩子戒掉這種壞習(xí)慣？
答：這些確實讓孩子很上癮，也是一個普遍的、成長中的問題。父母掌握孩子看什么，擁有什么電子產(chǎn)品，花多少時間觀看，并對電子產(chǎn)品的正確使用以身作則。
These are addictive. This is a common, and growing, concern for parents. Parents are in charge of what their children watch, what electronic devices they have, and how much time is spent on them. Model appropriate use.
問：您好，我的孩子剛剛2歲，貌似脾氣挺大，一不高興了，就自己打自己，還用手撓自己，請問有什么辦法引導(dǎo)一下么，謝謝？
答：很多問題都是關(guān)于孩子發(fā)脾氣的，我在想是不是孩子習(xí)慣了為所欲為？也許家長太和善而不能同時堅定。
Lots of questions about children having temper tantrums. I wonder if children are used to getting their own way? Maybe parents are being too kind without being firm at the same time.
問：三周歲的孩子，發(fā)脾氣的時候會打人，摔東西，要怎么引導(dǎo)正確的宣泄呢？
答：有很多方法，一個是認(rèn)同他的感受，另一個是告訴你的孩子你需要一個擁抱，我會在我這次的演講上分享一個很好的例子。
There are several things you can do. One is to validate here feelings. Another is to tell her you need a hug. I tell a good story about this during my lectures.
問: 你好，尼爾森博士，我家兒子1歲7個月了，每天早上我出門上班他都各種阻撓，而且大哭，我能感覺到對我離開的擔(dān)心，我天天出門前會跟他說媽媽要上班了，可是他一聽這句話就大哭，我只好偷著溜走了，請問我該怎么辦？
答：這個年齡的孩子有分離焦慮是很典型的，只要你在時候能夠給他足夠多的愛，他就會沒事。
It is typical for children this age to have separation anxiety. As long as he gets plenty of love when you are there, he will be okay.
問: 中國學(xué)生從小接受的就是封閉式的教育，灌輸式的教育。這樣是否會上學(xué)生的思維受限，我們又將如何提高學(xué)生的自主創(chuàng)新思維和能力呢？
答：在家庭中，讓孩子參與家庭會議，他們得以從中學(xué)習(xí)給予和接受感謝，共同去解決問題，這會幫助他們?nèi)ジ惺艿阶约旱哪芰εc創(chuàng)新。
At home get them involved in family meetings where they learn to give and receive compliments and to solve problems together. This helps them feel capable and innovative.
問：比較細(xì)節(jié)的問題：孩子不好好吃飯（現(xiàn)象：不好好坐著，亂動，不愛吃打死都不吃），晚上精神足（我們都困死了，他在床上亂竄）。注：孩子不到1周。謝謝。
答：如果你因為吃飯和孩子進(jìn)行權(quán)力斗爭，他們總會贏，給孩子提供好的食物，讓他們自己決定是否吃。只要你不給他們很多糖，孩子需要吃（飯）他們就會吃。
If you have power struggles with children over eating they will always win. Offer good food and then leave the child alone. Children will eat what they need if they do not have sugar.
問：問: 中國傳統(tǒng)的嚴(yán)管方法也有不錯的成效?，F(xiàn)在的孩子非常容易被不良的東西吸引，那么，這樣稍顯柔軟的教育方式，在中國嚴(yán)教的大潮流下還有市場嗎？
答：當(dāng)家長了解正面管教就會知道它不是軟弱而是和善和堅定并行，只有堅定是嚴(yán)格，只有和善是太軟弱，當(dāng)家長能和善與堅定并行，孩子就能學(xué)得最好。
答：Positive Discipline is not soft when parents understand that it is kind AND firm. Only firm is too strict. Only kind is too soft. Children learn best when parents are both at the same time.
問：請問四歲半孩子不會主動分享怎樣引導(dǎo)?如何培養(yǎng)孩子逆商?
答：認(rèn)同感受是鼓勵孩子的一種方式，這可以幫助他們?nèi)ソⅰ澳嫔獭?，學(xué)會分享需要時間，打岔或轉(zhuǎn)移注意力會有幫助。
Validating feelings is one way to encourage children. It helps them build their "disappointment muscles." Learning to share takes time. Distracting and re-directing to another activity can help.
問：我的孩子5歲，做事情總是拖拖拉拉，比如告訴她馬上就要出家門了，她一定要做些別的與出門無關(guān)的事，在大人的再三催促下，才肯放下手中的事情出發(fā)，怎么辦？
答：聽上去象個典型的五歲孩子的表現(xiàn)。和孩子一起建立一個慣例表（正面管教工具中的一種）并且執(zhí)行會很有幫助。我在公共講座中會詳細(xì)講到，歡迎參加。（5/18 - 北京，5/25 - 上海，5/31 - 深圳 ）
This sounds like most 5-year-olds. It helps when you get her involved in creating her own routine chart so she will be capable and want to follow it. I will be sharing some examples during the public lectures.
問：我的寶寶三歲了，幼兒園適應(yīng)很好，但是在家里的獨立性特別差，尤其粘媽媽，動不動就哭，跟老人住一起，最近愛打人，告狀，怎么辦呢？
答：好的養(yǎng)育的一個標(biāo)志就是孩子在外面表現(xiàn)很好，但是在家庭里面有足夠的安全感去“測試”父母，告訴她該做什么而不是不該做什么，當(dāng)他打人，拉著她的手說：“輕輕地模”。
A sign of good parenting is when children behave well away from home but feel safe to “test” at home. Keep teaching him what to do instead of what not to do. When he hits, guide his hand and say, “Touch nicely.”
問：女兒三歲，馬上要迎來小弟弟的降生，但最近一兩個月開始有些反常，比如愛哭，黏媽媽等，怎么幫助她度過這個時期呢？
答：她感覺自己的地位被推翻了，多給她擁抱，經(jīng)常抱她直到她想把你推開，如果這里有更多的空間我真希望能多談?wù)勥@個問題。
She is feeling “dethroned.” Hug her and hold her a lot until she gets so much she wants to pull away from you. I would share more about dethronement if I had more space.
問：4歲半的小朋友，有時候會因為一件不足以重視的小事而無緣無故的哭，這時候父母應(yīng)該如何進(jìn)行正面管教？
答：我們允許孩子有他們自己的感受而不是試圖去營救他們（原文翻譯是：我們要不去解決，允許孩子有他們自己的感受）。我們可以通過認(rèn)同他們的感受去安慰他們，然后對他們有信心，相信他們可以自己去應(yīng)對。
We need to allow children to have their feelings without trying to rescue them. We can comfort them by validating their feelings, but then have faith in them that they will feel capable when they work it through.
問：我家兒子三歲半，在苗苗園里吃飯做游戲都很乖，聽指揮，為什么在家里就一點不乖，吃飯也不好好吃，我們讓他做什么也不肯，罵他打他他還還手，這個該怎么辦呢？
答：非常重要的是了解孩子的生長發(fā)育并且學(xué)習(xí)一些養(yǎng)育的技巧使孩子可以通過和善而堅定去學(xué)會尊重，這要花些時間，沒有魔法。
It is important to understand child development and to learn the many parenting skills that teach children to be respectful through kind and firm parenting. It takes time. There isn't a magic answer.
問：正面管教引入中國后深受中國的媽媽的推崇，很多媽媽為了更好的使用正面管教工具甚至都考取了正面管教講師資質(zhì)。在正面管教在中國飛速發(fā)展的同時必然會有競爭，這里你有什么建議嗎？謝謝您。
答：正面管教教授尊重、責(zé)任和貢獻(xiàn)等生活的技能，個人及社會均需要這些技能去發(fā)展。
PD teaches life skills such as respect, responsibility and contribution. These are skills needed for individuals and societies to thrive.
問：您好,我的小孩是男孩,八歲,我怎樣可以培養(yǎng)他的幽默感?
答：可以建立一個晚餐慣例，每天在餐桌上每人都講個笑話。
You could start a ritual of having everyone tell a joke once a day at the dinner table.
問：據(jù)我說知，正面管教是一種既不懲罰也不嬌慣的管教方式。但如果在對待孩子時沒有任何的懲罰辦法，如何保證管教的效果呢？能用什么辦法來更好地管教孩子呢？實在很迷惑和好奇！
答：我們的課堂上會分享很多既不懲罰也不嬌慣的教養(yǎng)工具，沒有人會放棄他們正在做的除非他們知道還能做些什么。
Our classes are all about sharing many parenting tools that are not punitive or permissive. No one will give up what they are doing unless they know what else to do.
問：我家寶寶現(xiàn)在2歲2個月，他想要的東西，如果不給就哭，無論怎么跟他說都不給，一直要到手才罷休！
答：聰明的小家伙，他把你訓(xùn)練得很好。試著用其它的事情轉(zhuǎn)移他的注意力，如果他還在哭，認(rèn)同他的感受（允許他有自己的感受），但不要滿足他，他將能學(xué)習(xí)到去應(yīng)對失望。
Smart little guy. He is training you well. Try distracting him to something else. If he still cries, validate his feelings, but don’t give him everything he wants. He will learn that he can survive disappointment.
問：我的女兒5歲半女孩，玩起來時情緒會難以自控，興奮會過頭，有時會打我一下然后跑開告訴同伴并哈哈大笑，想問孩子打大人一下給同伴看是什么意思，如何讓她玩時情緒能控制自如，別太興奮了有些過。
答：這就是我們建議召開家庭會議的原因之一，學(xué)習(xí)如何一起去解決問題。來聽我的講座能了解更多。（這句沒有翻譯，是我自己翻譯的）
This is one of the reasons we suggest family meetings, to learn how to solve problems together. Come learn more at one of the lectures I am giving.
問：家長作為孩子的第一任老師，對孩子樹立正確的世界觀、人生觀、價值觀都有舉足輕重的作用。相比于美國，您覺得中國的應(yīng)試教育應(yīng)如何改進(jìn)？正面管教體系能否在中國實行？
答：不管在什么樣的教育體制下，孩子都能從家庭里學(xué)到培養(yǎng)優(yōu)秀品質(zhì)的社會和生活技能。
No matter what the education system is like, children can learn valuable social and life skills for good character at home.
問：教育孩子是現(xiàn)在父母非常頭疼的問題，如何才能輕松的管教呢？孩子的素質(zhì)真得是家庭的環(huán)境有直接的關(guān)系嗎？
答：）正面管教的五大要素之一是培養(yǎng)孩子優(yōu)秀品質(zhì)的社會和生活技能。另一個要素是正面管教工具幫助孩子感到能力感，有建設(shè)性地使用個人力量。
One of the 5 Criteria for Positive Discipline tools is that they teach valuable social and life skills for good character. Another criteria is that PD tools help children feel capable and to use their personal power in constructive ways.
問：大部分的中國家長，都會覺得自己的管教方式?jīng)]有太大問題，如何讓他們了解到正面管教的優(yōu)越性，進(jìn)而對正面管教產(chǎn)生興趣呢？
答：對于滿意于自己做法的人，我不會試圖去改變他。正面管教僅僅針對相信它對家長對孩子有幫助的人群。
I would never try to change anyone who is satisfied with what they are doing. Positive Discipline is only for people who find it helpful to them and to their children.
問：正面管教是生于美國，長于美國的教育方法，如果移植到中國，會水土不服嗎？有沒有已經(jīng)在中國取得成功的案例呢？
答：很多正面管教講師在開辦家長課堂，分享精彩的成功故事。
Many Positive Discipline Parent Educators are teaching classes and are sharing wonderful success stories.
問：請問怎樣才算正面管教？有沒有相關(guān)的正面管教視頻課程借鑒一下經(jīng)驗？
答：我希望你來參加我的講座，你將會見到很多接受過家長培訓(xùn)課程的人。在線課程可在袋鼠網(wǎng)上觀看，更多課程將會錄制成視頻。（這句也沒有翻譯，是我自己翻譯的）
I hope you will attend one of my lectures where you will meet many people who are trained to teach parenting classes in China. Online classes are available on Kangaroo and more are being filmed.
問：4歲男孩，小班，在幼兒園玩具時，如果其它小朋友玩他正在玩具，他會先說“我在玩，你等我玩好了你再玩”，但其它小朋友不等就要搶他的玩具，于是他就用吼叫，大聲喊叫這樣的方式把小朋友嚇走，我該怎樣去引導(dǎo)他解決這樣的問題呢？
答：在這個年齡，成人監(jiān)督的關(guān)鍵是：維護(hù)其安全并引導(dǎo)孩子學(xué)習(xí)解決問題的技巧如輪流玩。這需要他們花一段時間去學(xué)習(xí)，就如學(xué)習(xí)說話一樣。（這句也沒有翻譯，是我自己翻譯的）
At this age, adult supervision is critical: to maintain safety and guide children to learn problem solving skills such as taking turns. This takes a while for them to learn, just like talking.
問：經(jīng)過您的指點，我發(fā)現(xiàn)有時候解決親子問題可以很簡單，但是對于母親繞出“固執(zhí)不良的思維定式”真的有點兒難。
答：對大多數(shù)父母來說這是個挑戰(zhàn)。我們不能控制好我們的行為卻想我們的孩子能控制好他們的行為。（這句沒有翻譯，是我自己翻譯的）
It is challenging for most parents. We want our children to control their behavior when we don't control our own behavior.
問: 什么是“正面教育”？我家寶貝快兩歲了，什么都好，就是特別喜歡一個人偷偷跑出去玩，有時不注意就找不著人了，害得我們擔(dān)心的要命，跟她好說歹說了好多次就是不聽，但又舍不得打，怎么辦？如何才能讓她改掉這個壞毛病？求解答。
答：兩歲孩子的大腦發(fā)育水平還不能讓她聽懂你說的道理并且對此負(fù)責(zé)，你需要密切地看管直到她長大一點，這一天比你想象的來得快。
Two-year-olds do not have brain development to listen and be responsible. You just have to supervise closely and until he gets older—which happens faster than you think.
問: 寶寶快四歲了，最近很暴力啊，她做錯事情都不能說她，一說她上來就給人一巴掌，該怎么管教呢？
答：當(dāng)孩子四歲時，大腦神奇地發(fā)育到使他們善于解決問題。我建議在晚餐時間請每個人分享他們犯的錯誤和從中學(xué)到了什么。這樣孩子會學(xué)會承擔(dān)風(fēng)險而不是做一個完美主義者。
I suggest a ritual at dinnertime of having everyone share a mistake they made and what they learned from it. This way children learn to be risk takers instead of perfectionists.
問：“kind” 與“too much permissive”的最核心的區(qū)別界限如何簡要概括？謝謝您！
答：如果家長只有和善那就可能會縱容，和善與堅定并行很重要。舉個例子：我愛你，但我的回答是：“不可以?！保ㄟ@句沒有翻譯，是我自己翻譯的）
It could be permissive if parents are only kind. It is important to be both kind and firm. For example: I love you, and the answer is, "No."
問：很早關(guān)注正面管教，面對孩子，我們可以給他很多，但是什么是他真正需要的，感謝您能給我關(guān)于0-1歲孩子要注意的地方不？
答：孩子需要感到有所歸屬，有能力。正面管教教給家長這方面的技能和工具。歡迎到我在三地的講座了解更多。
Children need to feel that they belong and that they are capable. Positive Discipline teaches many parenting tools to help accomplish this. You are welcome to learn more at the upcoming presentations in three cities.
