聽(tīng)說(shuō)每個(gè)高分烤鴨都星標(biāo)了新航道3分鐘學(xué)雅思
雅思大作文真題直擊 | | 欄目推送說(shuō)明
分享雅思考試大作文真題范文。每一篇范文都經(jīng)由專業(yè)團(tuán)隊(duì)反復(fù)校對(duì),最終外教審查定稿。成功就是日復(fù)一日那一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)小小努力的積累。
本期大作文供稿:
章 躍
今天,我們繼續(xù)通過(guò)拆解(原創(chuàng))范文的方式理解雅思大作文的行文思路,達(dá)到理想的 Coherence and Cohesion – How well your thoughts and the pieces of information are connected.
推薦閱讀:
2019年6月22日雅思考試真題
???
As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars.
Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment?
雖然我們今天講解的主題是大作文的CC ,但是關(guān)于審題還是需要多一句嘴。
* 審題時(shí)注意:對(duì)于個(gè)人的好處是否大于對(duì)于環(huán)境的壞處,而對(duì)于個(gè)人的壞處不在題目問(wèn)題意義之內(nèi)
???
Worldwide, car ownership is increasing, and the increase in some countries is tremendous. [建立CC的方式之一:詞性變化:前半句的動(dòng)詞分詞increasing到后半句變成對(duì)應(yīng)的名詞increase。] However, the benefits for individuals of the trend can hardly offset the harm to the environment. [好的CC也要求大家在行文時(shí)不出現(xiàn)/極少出現(xiàn)廢話,那么,我們就可以在introduction的第二句立刻直接表明立場(chǎng)。]
Car owners benefit from driving. [進(jìn)入主體部分的第一句話,很短,但是意思明確。好的CC要求話語(yǔ)簡(jiǎn)潔達(dá)意。] Immediately after a person purchases a car, traveling is no longer subject to the timetables or routes of buses or trains, or the availability of taxis. [在第一句表明要談?wù)揵enefits之后,迅速直接說(shuō)明benefit是什么。好的CC都是信息進(jìn)展很快,沒(méi)有贅述的。] Instead, [準(zhǔn)確恰當(dāng)?shù)倪壿嬤B接詞。這是好的CC的必備。] people travel as they please. In addition, [準(zhǔn)確恰當(dāng)?shù)倪壿嬤B接詞。這是好的CC的必備。] sitting on the driver’s seat may be more comfortable than standing in a cramped and crowded compartment of a bus or a train. [如果一句話就把事情說(shuō)清楚了,那就不要故意增加廢話。贅述和贅肉一樣令人不悅。好的CC就是沒(méi)有贅述,贅述分散讀者的注意力。]
On the other hand, [準(zhǔn)確恰當(dāng)?shù)倪壿嬤B接詞。這是好的CC的必備。] cars are not friendly to the environment, making our cities and towns less habitable. [如果接下來(lái)有數(shù)個(gè)點(diǎn)要討論,那么序數(shù)詞可以幫助讀者明確內(nèi)容的結(jié)構(gòu)。這也是好的CC的必需。] First, cars emit pollutants, many of which are highly toxic. Meanwhile, [準(zhǔn)確恰當(dāng)?shù)倪壿嬤B接詞。這是好的CC的必備。] the carbon emissions prove to be a major cause for the current unfavorable climate change around the globe. Cars also [不要小看這個(gè)also,也行文至此的必備。說(shuō)明這是不利之處的第二點(diǎn)。] produce noises. Drivers inevitably use the horns, and the noise is irritating. Even though [這個(gè)讓步關(guān)系的連詞短語(yǔ)很重要。在此之后的內(nèi)容應(yīng)對(duì)了上一句的內(nèi)容,又與主句的內(nèi)容形成了邏輯關(guān)系。] the use of horns may be strictly prohibited in some zones in some cities, the car engine generates sounds that are annoying. A noisy environment is certainly undesirable. [好的CC需要行文的內(nèi)容有進(jìn)展性的順延。這句話,把討論順延到了本段的關(guān)鍵:不利,這一點(diǎn)從選詞undesirable可以看出。] In addition, [準(zhǔn)確恰當(dāng)?shù)倪壿嬤B接詞。這是好的CC的必備。] the large traffic volume, even if the cars go in an orderly fashion, causes displeasure and upsets people. [行文時(shí),內(nèi)容從籠統(tǒng)寬泛到具體詳細(xì),也是常見(jiàn)的CC搭建方式。此處前一句的兩個(gè)關(guān)鍵詞displeasure 和upset在下一句中有說(shuō)到“為什么”(即下一句的狀語(yǔ)部分)。] Having so many cars lining up on the road, [看,就是這個(gè)狀語(yǔ)部分說(shuō)到了“為什么”。] a city feels crowded and uncomfortable.
In conclusion, the worldwide increase in the ownership of private cars is a controversial phenomenon. It may be good for individuals as they have cars and thus are independent in traveling and travel with comfort. [如果可以把段落里的內(nèi)容濃縮成短語(yǔ)形式,措辭簡(jiǎn)潔高效不過(guò)度重復(fù),CC會(huì)好。] However, the advantages cannot compare to the damage caused to the environment. [該籠統(tǒng)的地方就籠統(tǒng),不過(guò)度重復(fù)之前的信息。]
聯(lián)系客服